I should have known.
Most people would have figured it out in about 10 seconds, or certainly after a few minutes.
I don’t like to brag, but sometimes I can be completely and utterly committed to making a big mistake.
It’s not that I seek out these little life lessons for myself. It’s more like I just ignore all signs of warning and logic and just keep plugging ahead.
It’s dedicated stupidity of the most spectacular sort.
Yesterday was a brilliant example.
I needed to make a road trip to Topaz to pick up my darling summer daughter from her visit with grandma. The kids stayed home with daddy and I had the car blissfully to myself.
I plugged the destination into the maps app on my iPhone, followed the prompts and indulged in a mini-marathon of my favorite podcast, NPR’s Snap Judgment.
For about 3 hours I listened to stories of lost loves reuniting, people overcoming fear and families reunited after centuries apart.
Then my tires hit a dirt road.
Uh oh. This can’t be right.
I stopped, turned off the podcast and looked around.
The road was very rocky, dusty and quite deserted.
This is wrong.
I looked at my phone and it showed me driving 5 miles and then turning right. I was only 30 minutes from my destination.
So on I drove.
Windows and sunroof open, I put all doubt aside and focused on enjoying the ride.
After a few minutes I found this:
I pulled over and read all about the Golden Gate Mine. I was feeling pretty proud of myself. Look at me. Being all carefree and adventurous.
Then I came to a little stream that I had to cross.
Then the road got really steep and my tires were having trouble keeping up with the demands of the trail.
Still I had seen no cars. The only house I’d come across was abandoned and falling apart.
Fear started creeping in and I kept saying to myself, “this can’t be right.”
But I was committed to this route. I couldn’t make a U-turn, because then I’d have to drive all that again.
No going back
The road became gravel for a bit and my turn was only .5 miles away. Way to go Bridgette! You made it.
I looked all around. No turns.
No other roads or paths or anything. Just the same rocky dirt road leading further up the mountain.
Then I lost cell reception.
Now I was scared.
I got out of the car and just stood there.
“What do I do?” I said aloud.
I’m lost and all alone. Tears started in my eyes and I felt a rising panic in my gut.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do.
Should I turn around or just keep going? What if the road gets worse and I blow a tire? What if it goes on for so long I run out of gas? What if I lose traction and skid down the hill and crash? I have no food, no water and it’s hot out.
The smart choice was to turn around and head back to the main road.
But that wasn’t fun and I just had to see this through. I’d come too far to turn around.
Dedicated stupidity at it’s finest.
I got back in the car and continued the climb.
Over another stream. Around and around and up and up. I knew I was going to be late now, but I had to see where this went. I kept thinking, the next turn it will become a paved road again.
After another 10 minutes of driving I reached the top of the hill. This is what I saw:
I got out of the car and the air was filled with the most gorgeous smell of pine. A breeze blew through my hair and I actually laughed.
Groups of people on horseback were just disappearing into the woods. I walked over to a woman in jeans and a t-shirt that had a surprised look on her face.
“I’m lost,” I told her and realized how funny I must look in my mommy SUV and flip-flops.
“You sure are,” she replied with a little laugh.
She had a beautiful smile and she gave me a big hug.
“You’ve reached Little Antelope Pack Station,” she said. “Welcome.”
She told me about a summer camp they were running for underprivileged kids. The kids get to ride horses, shoot BB guns and learn about nature.
“Want to ride a horse?” she offered. “Something brought you here.”
I used to ride horses all the time and I yearned to take her up on it. The thought actually brought tears to my eyes.
But people were waiting for me.
I have to be responsible.
She told me that I’d have to drive all the way back to the bottom.
No other way out.
I took a few pictures and hugged her goodbye.
“Come back when you have more time,” she said and waved to me as I pulled away.
The drive down the hill was easy and fast.
As I passed all the markers from before, I could remember all the emotions I felt at each spot; fear, excitement, doubt, joy, disappointment and happiness.
Now it all seemed so silly, pointless and wasteful.
I’m very lucky. All that came of my little escapade was a very dirty car and a flat tire (that happened a few hours later).
Things could have been so much worse.
I am tired of moving blindly and innocently forward without questioning things or listening to my instincts.
I’m so stubborn and my craving for adventure and excitement is ridiculous.
It is causing turmoil, pain and regret.
While the beauty I experienced yesterday is something I will always treasure, hopefully this will be a lesson learned.
I am a mother. People are counting on me.
Diversions can be dangerous.