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Update: Not feeling great, how are you?

I’m not doing great.

After the tremendous high of self-publishing my book in April, I’ve spiraled into a funk so deep I’m hesitant to even speak about it. I’ve resisted naming it or giving it power, but the truth is as plain as the sweatpants I’ve been wearing for days.

I’m not doing great.

While I can rally when my friends and family need me, it takes everything out of me. My default Pollyanna attitude, always seeing the joy and wonder in everything, is slowly fading away. It’s harder and harder to put a positive spin on things, and as a result, I’m dissociating more and more. I check out for hours and days at a time by playing on my phone or binge watching TV, often doing both at the same time.

The creative spark I had just months ago seems lost.

Yesterday I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself. I’m picking fights with my family, crying easily, and my body hurts all the time. I feel myself stiffening in all ways. It could be stress in my life, the state of the world, perimenopause, or most likely, all of those things combined.

It’s time to seek help. Again.

Sigh.

Why am I telling you all this? Well, I think part of getting through this is going to be recommitting to blogging again. Reaching out to this beautiful community as my whole broken self and saying, hey, I sort of need a hug right now and maybe you do too, so how about we hug each other with words? That sounds weird, but you know what I mean. We aren’t alone. None of us.

So, yeah. I’m here.

How are you? I seriously want to know. Good? Bad? Tired? Energized? Did you get a new dog? Your cat do something funny? What projects are you working on? Tell me all the things.

I might not be doing great, but I’m going to show up. I’ve taken a ton of photos lately and it’s time to edit them and share them with you. Maybe the joy of the tiny details will help me in my recovery, and who knows, maybe you’ll find something about them to love too.

I’ll leave you with this photo my daughter took of me in Washington earlier this month. I remember thinking in a world where an artist creates something this magical, anything is possible. I’m holding onto that feeling, even if it’s tiny.

I hope you are too.

99 thoughts on “Update: Not feeling great, how are you?”

  1. I’m sorry to hear this, Bridgette. Here’s some unsolicited advice, though: you mentioned perimenopause, and what helped me was seeing a hormone doctor. Once I got on all the right hormones, life changed exponentially. Sending light, love, and healing vibes ✨

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    • Thank you so much. That’s what I think is behind a lot of this, so I’m making some call today to get an appointment at a wellness clinic. I’ve been feeling almost paralyzed by this change in myself and trying hard not to go the whole shame spiral route with things.

      I appreciate you saying you felt better after getting on the right hormones. That gives me a lot of hope.

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  2. Hey Bridgette, here’s something. I entered a local short story competition today. It consisted of a sequel to your short story ‘Sunset, Sunrise’. I was wondering how it worked out for Jolene, so now I know. (I’ll review the book on Amazon etc once I’ve finished it but the early stories are wonderful.)

    Generally I’m sad to hear you’re sad. I’d suggest it might be something of a comedown after your big launch. After a marathon, a runner takes a while to get back on the horse. You’ll be fine. Don’t fight it. You’ll bounce back in time. Sending positive vibes and a virtual hug your way.

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      • Well, this next book is gonna be different than the first seven in that those were all about poetry about God and love and family and marriage.
        This one documents from the time I was born until now. It tells the story of how at the age of two my father died in an airplane crash, and I grew up without a father. Talks about my getting into drugs and alcohol. Then getting saved and finding Jesus Christ as my personal Savior at the age of 17. Then it tells the story of my life with my wife, child and grandchildren.
        How I kept secrets from God, or tried to and the 27 month ordeal of suffocating depression and horrific anxiety. And how God has delivered me.
        Hope to release it on my 70th birthday, August 27.
        Blessings.
        Hope I didn’t bore you.
        Feel better, dear blogging friend and I will remember you in my prayers.

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      • Your book sounds inspiring and releasing it on your 70th birthday is such a wonderful idea! I’m sure I could learn a lot from your story. Thank you for the beautiful words and I greatly appreciate the prayers.

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  4. Hi Bridgette, it’s nice to see you again! I’ll hug you with this – big hugs form Vegas for you! Kegarland mentioned hormones, I had the same thought, even as a man. My mother suffered a lot until she found a doctor that could get her hormones regulated, what a difference this made for her so long ago.

    After three divorces, I found myself retreating into social media and TV too and have not dated since 2016. It’s a lonely life in that way but it has also been a very good life. I am open to a relationship though if it “fell” into my lap!

    I don’t know if any of this can help you but I hope you begin to feel much better very soon, Bridgette. 😊

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    • Thanks for the big hugs, John! Yes, I do think hormones are part of my struggle and have made a few calls today to start the process of finding the right kind of care team to start my journey. Maybe I’ve been a bit in denial of my age, as embarrassing as that is to admit. I keep thinking I can do all the same things I’ve always done, but my body is telling me otherwise. It’s time to focus on healing.

      I’m sorry you are lonely, John. I’m proud to call you my friend. I’m not the best at responding on social media these days, but I do love seeing your photos and hope we can connect in person next time I’m in Vegas. Sending you a hug right back.

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      • Thanks, hug received!! I’m used to being alone since it’s been my way for so many years. I have several people around town I chat with so it’s not a total lockout haha! 😂

        My sis is five years older than I and told me that I’m not thinking “old”. Well, I don’t wanna think old! I’ll be 65 in December, time to start Medicare. Where have the years gone?

        I’m not handling getting old very well, Bridgette but you are far younger! Enjoy that! ❤️

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  5. You’ve been through a great high with a great deal of work and stress before the publication. Then promoting your book and now your body and mind need a good rest. Looking back over the past year you’ve dedicated your energy to the project and have probably given yourself very few breaks and no self-care. Now it’s time to work on you, building your body and mind, as well as any health conditions you may have. Work hard to not put pressure on yourself when you think you need to get back into full gear, let your body tell you. Take good care.

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    • Thank you for the thoughtful comment, and you’re totally right. I thought I’d sidestepped that low, but I think having a second book signing and an early summer trip to focus on, only postponed the inevitable crash. Now, as the days are getting longer and hotter, and my body is screaming for my attention, it’s become all to obvious I have to take this time to heal myself. I need to move, eat better, and address whatever is happening to my body (all this new pain). I’m researching acupuncture, functional medicine doctors, and supplements. I’m at the age I can’t ignore my body any longer. It needs some attention if I want to write more books, which I certainly do. The trick will be allowing myself grace through this process.

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  6. Thanks for your courage and honesty in sharing what’s going on Bridgette. I’m sorry it’s been a challenging time, but it seems you’ve taken the first step by acknowledging it and reaching out. I love the photo your daughter took. Hugs…

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  7. Hi Bridgette I’m sorry you are feeling low – hormones are definitely a thing so I’m glad you are getting that checked out. I have up and down days, creativity especially the highs like publishing a book (congratulations) can cause a rebalance in dopamine afterwards. It’s like we can’t have the ups without the down. But lately I’m thinking – well maybe I get to choose my ups and downs a bit more than I thought. I’ve been working on doing that. Maybe if you can choose to put a toe back in the creative circle and begin to write again – the next thing. And let it pull you forward and save you. I find the daily pages recommended in The Artists Way to be a big help.

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    • Thank you for these kind words. You know, just writing this post yesterday and seeing all the support, has helped. We can all get stuck in our heads, and yes I know my body needs some attention and healing (hormones), but also I’ve been struggling to return to writing. I have two more books in the works. At first, I was barreling ahead with them, but something shifted, and now it’s feeling just all too much. I pulled out my journal last week but haven’t written in it…yet. Baby steps. Today, I’m going to swim in the lake and try and feel my body some. Do some hippy stuff, like try to connect and find out what it needs. Tomorrow, I’ll start my daily pages again. I know the more words I write, the better I feel. It’s just taking that step forward again. I needed your words to remind me. Thank you!

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      • Hey hippy stuff works I’m back on my yoga and sitting with everything my body is trying to say. I feel so sorry for it – the mind charges ahead always in charge until the body – just – stops. Listen to your heart and what is stored in your spine – eventually you’ll begin to hear again. Silence is a deep healing.

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  8. I feel for you. I’ve been in and out of feeling motivated and now in a long stretch of being out of feeling motivated lately. Ideas, but no energy to implement them.

    I’m hoping my roadtrip from Alaska to Iowa later this month gets rid of some of that “constipation” for me.

    Don’t be afraid to reach out if you need someone to talk to. Offer still stands 🙂

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    • I’ve missed you. Your upcoming trip sounds amazing! I too have plenty of ideas and no energy to implement them. I feel like my body is screaming for my attention, and although I’ve been ably to bully it into submission most of my life, it’s now demanding I pay attention. Ugh. So, time to do some stuff to get back integrated into my body and I know, bone deep know, this is the way to unlock my creative self again. It’s just so hard to find the energy to do it. I’d love to talk more and will reach out via email.

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  10. wow ! that is an amazing photo. I’m feeling bad, Bridgette. I feel so alone. My old girlfriend and I are texting again so that’s lifted me. but the days are so curmudgeonly it’s hard to raise a smile. Yes, let’s send each other hugs . I’m trying to write my way out of this funk I’m in . Cheers Bridgette 🙂

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    • Hey friend. So glad you like the photo. Those trolls are so cool! Thank you for sharing your feelings with me and I’m sorry you’re feeling so alone. I’m sending you a giant hug and feel free to reach out to me anytime. I do think connection is the answer. Keep writing and reaching out. Cheers to you too!

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  11. *Gives you a BIG OLE HUG* I hope you’re able to find your way soon. Funks can be soul-sucking. I pray the one you’re currently fighting will not continue with its crazy hold on you.

    I am alive and well, and so ready for this workweek to be over. I’m looking forward to the long weekend ahead. 🙏🏾🩵

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    • I feel that BIG OLE HUG. Thank you! Yeah, it’s really helped having people reach out to me and sharing what’s going on in their lives. I’m also understanding this funk is absolutely a drop in energy after publishing my book and pushing so hard to sell copies, made worse by health and family stuff. It’s just too many things all at once. As always, I appreciate your kindness and hope you have a wonderful long weekend!

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  12. I’m so glad to see you here and I’m truly sorry you feel so bad at the moment. I love how open and raw you are, it’s truly beautiful and I’m glad you’re going to see someone. I know hormones can play a big role. Sending you BIG hugs and I’m only an email away if you need to talk.

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    • I’m glad to be here and thank you for seeing me. I’m getting together a plan to move forward and feeling better by all the love I’ve received here. Sending you a big HUG back. How are things in your world?

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  14. I’m so sorry you’re not feeling your best right now. Things will improve I’m sure. I’m in a really good mood right now, feeling blessed and alive. I’ll put some of that in a bottle and ship it to you 🙂

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  15. Glad to see you but sorry you feel bad. Have you read about Perimenopause? Mine set in early in my mid-forties and it affected my mood. Sorry if that’s too prescriptive a comment. I am feeling cautiously optimistic about returning to my memoir project.

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    • You hit the nail on the head—perimenopause mixed with personal stress and living in the US right now all has added up to make this a really hard time. Making steps to get some answers and putting my health first for a bit. I hope you return to your memoir soon!

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      • Thanks, Bridgette. I’m taking baby steps. I go to a “Shut Up and Write” every Saturday so I have a dedicated time to work on it! One hour, all writing no talk at the public library. I found it through Meetup.com. Homeopathic medicine has helped me a lot with menopause symptoms. I take Progressive Professional brand Gyne-Andro-Plex.

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      • What a great way to force yourself to write! No other options. I like that. I’m looking for a natural way to treat my symptoms and I’ll look into what you recommended. Thank you.

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  16. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a rough patch of life, but glad to know that you’re able to reach out for help. We aren’t alone. *HUG*

    I also went through a funk that spiraled a bit out of control recently that caused me to take an unexpected hiatus from my blog for a couple of months, and have just gotten back to it this past week. I was feeling better for a while before I returned to creative writing – crossing that threshold felt like a big moment.

    I love the picture! What a fantastic sculpture – could be inspiration for a fun, whimsical story.

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    • Thank you Nicole for understanding and for the hug. I’m so glad you’ve made it to the other side, that very much helps me remember this feeling and this moment is temporary. I’m working on recommitting to showing up to my writing groups and telling everyone I need a little extra support. Vulnerability is hard, but essential.

      Isn’t that troll fun? I have some more photos of those I will share later, but yeah, I could probably write a lot of stories of these fellas.

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  17. Hi Bridgette I’m sorry you are feeling low – hormones are definitely a thing so I’m glad you are getting that checked out. I have up and down days, creativity especially the highs like publishing a book. 👏

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  18. Everyone is going through something, and I’ll send my hugs to you, Bridgette. We’re all okay, except my nephew, but I’m still grateful despite anything. There’s love and hope in my life.

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    • Sending you a big hug in return, Hazel. I’m sorry to hear about your nephew. I’ve been surrounded by a lot of sadness lately, today I was hit with another big blow, but it’s good to remember love and hope are still around. As they say, even in the dark, you can find a speck of light. Reaching out my hand to you.

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  19. Sending hugs from New Zealand. Acknowledging how you’re feeling is a big step, Bridgette. Congratulations on having the strength to do that. Please know that you have a whole support network out here willing to help you get through this. 💐💖

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    • You are so very kind, thank you. Yes, I actually felt some of the pain shift when I published this post. Sometimes the mere fact of acknowledging you aren’t okay is a good way to start healing. I appreciate the hug and you being part of my support network, how lucky am I? Sending you a hug back.

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    • It’s hard when we know writing will help, but the energy to do it isn’t there. I’m sorry you’re in the same space and hope it shifts for you soon. Sending you a hug.

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  26. Thank you for sharing your heart so openly. It takes real bravery to name what you’re going through and to reach out when everything feels heavy — that courage is something to be proud of, even if you can’t feel it right now.

    Please know you’re not alone. So many of us know the ache of pouring ourselves into a passion, only to find the silence afterward deafening. That doesn’t mean your spark is gone; it means you’ve given so much of yourself, and now you need rest and care — just like any living, breathing soul does after a big effort.
    Your words show how deeply you care for others, even while you’re struggling. You’re showing up, reaching out, and inviting connection. That is the definition of resilience. And yes, it’s absolutely okay to seek help again. It’s not failure; it’s wisdom. It’s strength. You are worth the support you need.

    Hold onto those small moments — the photo your daughter took, the magic of light on leaves, the quiet joy of a candid laugh. Those tiny details you’ve always noticed are evidence of your unique gift: your ability to see beauty even when life feels dark. That gift hasn’t left you. It’s waiting for you, patiently, until you’re ready to pick it up again.

    Your honesty gives others permission to be real about their own struggles. That’s powerful. That’s healing. And it reminds us all that we don’t have to pretend we’re okay when we’re not.

    So here’s a heartfelt hug in words: you are seen, you are valued, and you are not alone. Keep showing up, at your own pace, because the world needs your light — even if it flickers sometimes. It’s still yours, and it’s still shining.

    With deepest respect and encouragement,
    John

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    • Thank you, John. Your words are a gentle hug I totally needed, especially today. Thank you for seeing me and for saying all the kind things you did. It’s truly appreciated.

      I don’t feel brave. Those words demanded I get them out and I honestly felt some of the despair shift even just hitting “publish.” Putting a name to my struggles, saying it out loud and reaching out my hand, it started to ease things. Just a little.

      Some of my stuff is medical, but most of it is unacknowledged feelings. Some grief I pushed aside. Some disappointment. All of these things are demanding I feel them and I’m trying to. My default is to get so busy I outrun my feelings, but it’s not sustainable. Inevitably, feelings demand we feel them. Annoying.

      As I type this, I’m deep in those feelings and it helps knowing I’m not alone.

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    • Thanks, Nicole. I’m trying to, but the hits keep coming. Today I am drinking water and finally answering all the lovely comments left for me here. It might be time for me to return to therapy for a bit, and certainly follow through with getting my health in order.

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  28. I hope today is a better day in all ways, and each one after, too. Taking care of yourself is the most important, but we all here care about you, too. Check in sometimes just to say hi and replenish yourself with encouraging words and hugs. ((( hugs)))

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  29. I love the photo and I’m sorry you’re not doing well. I am in a similar place after falling, breaking my ankle, and having a lot of hardware installed inside my leg. I’m going on week six post surgery and it’s hard to have a positive attitude when I am stuck inside every day. I’m working on going through a closet full of photo albums. I go through one per day and throw out most of them and keep a few pictures in photo boxes. They are from when my kids were born and I think the nostalgia gives me mixed emotions, too.

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    • Thank you for the kind words and I’m so sorry about breaking your ankle! Ouch! That’s a lot to go through and I’m glad working through the photo albums is helping keep you distracted. I know what you mean about nostalgia and mixed emotions. My youngest turned 18 last month and the way time is flying…it’s a lot to process at times. Sending you a hug for quick healing and for you to be back to your adventures soon.

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  31. Genuinely wish you the best in your endeavors. I can definitely relate. I’m in America and I’ve been checked out since November. It’s gotta get really bad before it starts to get good again. I’m back on antidepressants again. From someone who’s been there, things will lighten up. Hang in there. ♥

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    • I’m in America too and, yeah, it’s certainly adding to the terrible feelings. Each day feels like another horrible blow. It helps to reach out to others and to focus on small, good things. Like teaching my almost 2-year-old speak-delayed goddaughter yesterday how to say and sign bath. When she got it…huge! These are the moments I have to cling too, because everything else feels so freaking hard.

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  32. I remember Adele (the singer) saying that after she completed writing/recording/publicising a new record, she would take a year off to decompress/be with family/revitalilse the creative juices/etc, then get going on the next one.

    Not that most of us can afford to take a year off, but speaking from experience I know that absolute high from publishing a book can’t be sustained. There’s always going to be a crash – a resetting of our reality so we can get going on the next one. 😀

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    • You’re totally right and I don’t know why I thought I could avoid it. I’m realizing now that although I went into the project thinking “it would be cool if I sold a few books,” my heart really hoped for a lot more than that. Being around other published authors and knowing just how hard this industry is…it’s been a bit of a letdown. Trying to readjust my expectations and feel what’s demanding to be felt. Thank you for the kind words.

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  33. Okay, look, you gave birth recently. This is like post-partum depression. (Says the man who has no idea what that means.) I’ve been on this high before, multiple times, so that’s my street cred. Force yourself out to do something vaguely creative. Go on a photo trip even if you’re only so-so about it. (Like my artist friend, Mary, said: “I’m going to go make pictures.”) Spend some time editing them, even if they don’t go anywhere. Write something, sketch, story, poem, even if you think it’s drivel. You need to prime the pump. It’s like your creative plumbing is clogged. You need to clear it. And this might be impertinent, but…what would Neal say?

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    • You know? I didn’t realize it, but you’re right. I did birth my book and it is a bit like postpartum depression. I told myself to have low expectations, to just do this hard thing to prove I can, but I think my heart jumped ahead and wanted people to really like the book. It’s been hard to see hardly any feedback after they books are out in the world, but it’s the nature of the thing. It’s not about the reception, it’s about the doing.

      I’ve taken a ton of photos lately and I need to edit them and start posting them, but more than that, I need to write. Life keeps being hard. One hit after another. I keep saying “once I get past this,” but I know that game. Another thing comes along to remind me of the fragility of life.

      Neil would tell me to not wait and to keep being who I am. His biggest regret in life was waiting too long to reach out and letting silly things like “fear” and “disappointment” stop him. As he once wrote to me, “part of why I write is to leave some trace of me, some gift to share with some few.” No matter what happens with my book, or with any project of mine, I am leaving a trace of myself behind. That’s something I need to remember.

      Thank you for helping me keep Neil alive. I have a box of his notebooks I’m working my way through for the book. I need to focus on that, because honoring him is something in my life I can control.

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  34. Part of what you’re going through could be depleted adrenal glands. Take care of yourself as best you can – body (healthy food, maybe supplements), soul & spirit. If it’s adrenals, rest – like an hour or two – 10:30 am and 3-5 pm, the “low” times of the day. Give yourself TIME to recover. It’s not a quick fix: the exhausting intensity of life’s situations drain the life out of a person. Each body is different. It will take time to restore & revive. Blessings!

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    • This very well may be a big part of it. I’ve got a lot going on and hoping to get some answers soon, but in the meantime, I’ll try to rest more when I can and I’ve already added in some new supplements. Thank you for the kindness.

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  35. Perimenopause is fun isn’t it?! I’m on HRT and if it makes you feel better or laugh a little? I’m basically living the exciting adventure where everyone in my house is going through hormone stuff at the same time. We’re one lit match away from igniting 🫣😬. The good news? You’ll get a lot of stories out of it! I have a whole folder full of them sitting on my computer right now. 😘

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  36. I’m so sorry to hear how you’re feeling, Bridgette. But I hope you find the light and some way out of your funk soon. I read the first comment, so maybe it’s hormonally related?

    I’ve had some health issues that got me down a few weeks ago, but I’m doing better now. The last two years have been challenging. I have to accept the fact that my body now in my early sixties is not what it was even five years ago. But even with the changes, I’m still fine, just not as ‘get up and go’ as I used to be.

    In March, our dog died after being part of our family for thirteen years. We had to put him down, and though he was elderly, that decision was one of the hardest I’ve ever had to make. As a result, I began writing poetry which was cathartic, and now a poetry collection has evolved as tribute to Copper. It’s joyful and about the grief, then knowing that he lives in our hearts forever. It should be published this week if all goes well.

    Anyway, everyone struggles with something, so I appreciate you sharing, and I hope you begin to feel more like yourself real soon. I have found that a lot of things are mind over matter, so try to direct your thoughts in a more positive direction, if you can. Sending you comforting hugs, Lauren ❤️

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  37. Thank you for your honesty and for showing up exactly as you are. 💛It takes strength to name the heaviness and still reach for light. At CareAndSelfLove.com, we believe healing begins with softness — with yourself, with your story, with this moment.Sending you a warm, wordless hug. You’re not alone!

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