by

Exposed by my children for what I really look like

Flipping through the pictures on my phone, I see it.

blogpic

My first reaction is shock. Who took this hideous picture of me?

Self-loathing and disgust swell up and threaten to bring me to tears.

Just as I am about to hit delete, my boy walks in the room.

“Do you know anything about this picture?” I ask him.

I turn the screen so he can see it. He smiles huge.

“I took that of you in Tahoe,” he says. “You looked so beautiful laying there. I couldn’t help it mom.”

“You need to ask me before using my phone to take pictures,” I say.

“I know,” he says. “But mom, seriously, look how pretty you look?”

I look at the picture again and try to see what he sees.

My daughter walks over and takes a look.

“That could be a postcard mom,” she says smiling. “You’re so beautiful. I love it.”

I take a deep breath.

This is exactly what I needed.

My default mode is to see and focus on the flaws and imperfections. I’m starting to see a bit more.

I still see my dimply, fat thighs.

I also see a mom collapsed on the shore that just explored the lake for hours with her children.

I still see chubby arms.

I also see the arms of a mom that just helped her kids across the rocks and hot sand so their feet wouldn’t hurt.

I still see a fat woman wearing a black dress bathing suit to try to hide her weight issue.

I also see an adventurous mom that loves her children something fierce.

Like many women, I have struggled with my weight most of my life. It’s not something that will ever go away for me. I don’t have a naturally slim body. Never have.

Right now I’m the heaviest I’ve been in 10 years. Yet…

I have not let my weight stop me this time. I am wearing tank tops, sundresses and bathing suits in public. I’m running around playing with my kids this summer and I sometimes even feel attractive.

Yes. You heard me.

“I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. I feel pretty, and witty and bright.”

Well…not exactly. But something like that.

Is it because I’m getting older? Is it that I have more to worry about than just how I look? Or maybe it’s because my kids look at me with such adoring eyes.

Really, it doesn’t matter.

I don’t hate my body anymore.

That’s huge for me to admit and hard to even wrap my mind around.

I’m not giving up on exercising and getting healthy. Those are things I will continue to strive for because I want to be around awhile.

Right now though, I just want to love my body where it is. I want it to be OK to see myself the way my kids do.

Thank you kids.

blog2

* Here is another “secret” picture the kids took of me on our day trip to the beach.

587 thoughts on “Exposed by my children for what I really look like”

  1. When I first saw the photo, I was very jealous, I was like dang, when I go to the beach there is always a massive crowd, I have to fight to find a 5ft sq spot, which takes forever to find. Then when I finally do, I am sweaty, have burned feet, and most definitely NOT RELAXED OR HAPPY, oh and everyone ditches me for the water! Bye mom! 😡

    Due to several medical issues, pain and surgeries, I am very thin, “ugly skinny” my 13 daughter, has advised me more than once regarding my physical appearance. Before I became really sick, and thin. I was physically able to participate in all the activities my four children wanted to do, water slidesy, football, baseball, fishing, amusement parks, whatever.

    I am very happy to see you write, you do not allow your personal views dictate what activities you will do with your children. I see a women who knows her children are only going to be interested in age appropriate activities for a short period of time, and if you don’t join in with them oh momma you will left, something as silly and truly not important as summer clothing is not a deterrent for you. Ignorant people will judge everyone, fat, tall, skinny, and short, they just want to talk about someone, making themselves feel better. So you might as well make you and your babies happy before they grow up on you and go to college!

    My opinion, if they spent less time talking about everyone else and raising their children, we would all be better off, hmm??

    And YES take TONS of pictures, we can scrapbook them cute later!! Of course!!

    NIBSIH!!

    Like

    Reply

    • I just saw her in msn and I totally agree with you. I see a down right sexy woman lying there on the beach taking in the life giving sun. Her description of her loved ones told me of a loving woman, another high priority in a mans eyes if he has a lick of wisdom about him. As for the minor imperfections, let the first human who has none step foward !!!!! You go pretty woman. Peace out ! Sam from Houston…..

      Like

      Reply

      • I feel the same way….the picture of you is a normal picture of mom’s everywhere. Why should we not love our bodies the way they are now. We had our time in two piece bathing suits. We are now older and should be proud of it, I know I am!! Not only do you look beautiful, but, God blessed you with loving beautiful children. You are truly blessed!!

        Like

  5. This made me cry because I feel the same way about myself like most women do–that I am not thin enough or pretty enough. But I try not to say those things out loud because I don’t want my two-year-old daughter to start thinking those things about herself. Society is so cruel to women. Thanks for writing this post and helping me to realize that I don’t need to be perfect physically in order to be a good mom to my daughter, or a good wife to my husband. And kudos to you for seeing what you really are to your kids–wonderful and beautiful. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  7. I think we all waste so much time bashing on ourselves. I think your children see you as you are a beautiful woman and mother. I can totally relate. Everything I put on my body looks badly to me. I hope I finally accept myself for who I am someday instead of wasting so much effort not liking myself.

    Like

    Reply

  8. I love this post. Thank goodness for the eyes of a child, we would all be better off if we could retain some of that. More importantly, you are reaping the rewards of being a wonderful mother.

    Like

    Reply

  10. You not only spoke for yourself, but for all who feel or have felt the same way.

    Thank you for letting us know it’s okay to just be yourself.

    Like

    Reply

  12. I think you have lipedema. Your weight is not your fault. And yes – your children are right. I think you look and are beautiful. But seriously, look it up.

    Like

    Reply

  14. I just saw your picture of you laying on the sand, and I stop and felt that it is a wonderful and loving expression of your children’s comments on how they see you. I too am heavy, I am injured and in the last 28 years have gained weight due to medication and inactivity. But as I read on, I realize that my grandkids who we help raise, see me as being warm and love my hugs and kisses.
    Yet, as yourself saw your imperfections, I see mine. But we are judging ourselves, we will strive to do better each moment of each day, showing love and respect for ourselves and for our family and friends.
    Thank you for a beautiful picture and your statement. It made me stop and realize how harsh I judge myself too. I have been injured with many surgeries since then and I need to realize that be very thankful for each moment that I have with my family. We have to thank God that we have been blessed with each day, each moment and to enjoy it. We are able to walk and speak with each of our family members, and that life is too short….
    Lori

    Like

    Reply

  15. I loved coming across your little piece. How lovely that your kids helped you love yourself a little more. Thanks for sharing such a sweet, intimate story (and reposting your photo too!) Best of lucking on working to match your outside with what is obviously a beautiful inside 😉

    – Mom of three

    Like

    Reply

  17. So enjoyed your post. It is not weight for me, I changed my eating habits and found a weight-loss product that worked for me. I lost 34 lbs. My issue is looking in the mirror and seeing myself age. The world tells us that we need to look like the airbrushed models, but our family sees us with eyes of love. I will take the love any day!

    Like

    Reply

  19. Actually, these are lovely photos! They are not photos of a body per se, but captures of feelings by your children. And yes, they ARE photos of a body–one that’s loved by children who love the mom that animates the body.
    great post!

    Like

    Reply

  20. Thank you for sharing that story. The honesty of it was so sweet, especially from your kids. Yes, it brought tears to my eyes because I deal with all the same stuff. Self image is such a powerful thing. I do feel like little reminders like your story, or something nice that someone says…really do help a person to stop being so critical of themselves. Even if it’s just for a minute.

    Like

    Reply

  21. When I first saw this pciture I thought how free this woman is. To just lie on the beach with not a care in the world. I too have been overweight my whole life, I’ve dieted my whole life. I work out regularly and yet I’m still overweight. I was happy to see you there lying and enjoying life. In my mind I thought this woman is not ashamed of how she looks she’s just enjoying the sun. When I read your thoughts of your self I was saddened and then happy at the end because you are enjoying who you are. Enjoy yourself and live in the moment. I think you’re perfect!

    Like

    Reply

  22. I read this story as if it was EXACTLY my own life. I’m a 45 year old woman who is still trying to feel comfortable in my size 18/20 skin. Our children do see us differently, even when friends tell you, “consider the gastric bypass surgery”…. our children love us unconditionally. Thank you for this very deeply honest post!

    Like

    Reply

  23. Just saw your post on MSN “Beach Pics Shows Mom How Her Kids See Her.” It wasn’t the title that made me stop it was the picture… I recognized it. I have one just like it, only I was 13 at the time. Then I read the title and my I could feel my blood starting with a slow boil. “Some rotten, thoughtless, painfully honest child is going to tear her to shreds!” I screamed inside my head. “What’s this world coming to? When I was kid, I saw people for who they were, not what they looked like! I still do!” I was outraged before I’d even read a word of the article. “Don’t read it Cyndie, ” I told myself, “It’ll only depress you… it’s your birthday.” But I did read it, and I found myself in tears… happy tears, tears of empathy, birthday tears. I commend you for facing the world in your own skin and walking proud. Clearly, you’ve got much going for you including 2 awesome kids! I continue to struggle with my weight. In the past couple of years I’ve added getting older into the mix. Fat changes with age, it doesn’t wear as well. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for the article. I was a nice birthday gift. Keep ’em coming…. please!

    Like

    Reply

  24. It is like I wrote this..thank you SO SO much! This summer I also starting wearing tank tops, sundresses and swim suits. I am present in my children’s lives and will no longer wait around for the weight…literally!! I see the picture as your children see it and I am so proud of you. Thank you again
    Mom of 3 girls

    Like

    Reply

  28. Love this post and how often we miss out on living in the present with those we love while we worry about trivial things like a dimple in our thighs. Splash those kids and hug them tight they are truly a blessing.

    Like

    Reply

  29. this post makes me feel all the feels!! I’m definitely glad that I did frequently tell my mom how beautiful I thought she was but I still wish I had said it more. to me she was and will always be the most beautiful woman to ever walk the earth, but I know she never saw herself that way. I hope all my friends who are moms realize how immensely beautiful and wonderfully perfect they are in the eyes of their child(ren).

    Like

    Reply

  30. This is beautiful! I love how you are honest about your struggles with weight loss, recognize your desire to be healthier, but also recognize that you are healthy and beautiful now! Your beauty is in your fierce love, your willingness to share this photo and your thoughts to help others, and your beauty is in your writing. I sincerely enjoyed reading this.

    Like

    Reply

  31. Just read your story on msn. Can’t tell you what this meant to me. I’ve been having a real hard time with empty nest issues and not looking how I would like, has added to my depression. Thank you for lightening my day a bit 🙂

    Like

    Reply

  32. I just read this on MSN. I cried as I read it. Your thoughts could be mine. What a lovely person you are and what wonderful children you have. God bless you.

    Like

    Reply

  33. Kudos to you Bridgette. We always see ourselves in the most negative way. WHY! If we don’t love ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to? Children and animals alike love us for who we are and the joy we bring to their lives. I’d love some kid coke bottle glasses to view the world. Got to love em:)

    Like

    Reply

  35. Your Revelation brought me to tears! It is A…Ma…Zing envisioning ourselves through the eyes of those we love & who truly love us; for they see beyond the book cover! You are an A…Ma…Zing woman 1st & then a mother! Someone responsible, yet adventurous; kind & thoughtful, yet cognizant, one must also meet their own needs; happy in the present, yet mindful of the future (a desire to be better!) Bully 4 you!!! Reminds me of Nelson Mandela’s quote from Marianna Williamson! =) (my trademark, a sideways smile!)
    Marianne

    Like

    Reply

  36. This so made my day – thank you to this woman’s kids and to her for posting it. Seeing, constantly, way too much fault with myself and needing to see myself as the whole, wiser, middle-aged, woman I am – let’s replace “beauty and figure fading” with “beauty and figure evolving.” And it’s inside, the important beauty. This is a great shot.

    Like

    Reply

  37. Beautiful story! You sound like a wonderful mom.
    If you haven’t, check out the book Battlefield of the Mind. I have no affiliation. It’s just helped me tremendously and I hope it’s helpful to you.

    Like

    Reply

  38. I came across this and had to log on to tell you: I don’t have kids, I don’t want kids, but if I ever did– I WANT YOUR KIDS!!! What neat loving kids who love their mom! Enjoy!

    Like

    Reply

  39. It’s what’s in your heart not what’s in the mirror or the size 2 . I’m sure your a wonderful mother with a great husband to have raised your children to look past the looks and size of a person . congratulation to the both of you.

    Like

    Reply

  40. My friend shared this on fb. Just wanted to say THANK YOU. I commented that your blog made me remember what i love most about our holidays (vacation to you, i think 😉) I’m now not worrying what I’m gonna wear at the beach but planning all the fun things I’m gonna do with my kids cos next year they might not want to do it and I’m so much more scared of missing that than i am of what other people may think of my wobbly bits. Much love, from Yorkshire, England xx

    Like

    Reply

  41. I am thumbing through my mental rolodex of ex-girlfriends and old school friends, and your picture could be most of them today. Congratulations, you are “normal”, a great way to be!

    Like

    Reply

  42. Thank You SO much for posting and sharing ! It sounds to me like you have raised two amazing children! you have already inspired me to listen to my children and their opinions of me over my opinions of my flaws xo

    Like

    Reply

  44. This is such a beautiful, touching, and inspiring story. Thank you for making the choice to share it with other women, like myself, who need to hear the same reminder of how beautiful we are.

    Like

    Reply

  45. I’m sure that by now you know that this thing has hardcore gone viral. You’ve touched many with your words. ❤

    Like

    Reply

  46. I just read your post that was on the MSN front page, and I just had to let you know that you touched my heart!! I love that your kids think you are beautiful and that you were able to realize what they see in you…. and you ARE beautiful!!! You are the true epitome of the best thing anyone could be on this earth: a mother who is dedicated to raising her children to be the best, most confident people that they can be! I love the post about your “adventure” to the pack station too!! 🙂 I think we’ve all been guided the wrong way by GPS some time or another!! Have a fabulous day!! Hugs, a mom in Healdsburg

    Like

    Reply

  48. Beauty is on the inside. I have met people who were beautiful or handsome on the surface, but were ugly people in their souls. Sounds to me like you’re a beautiful person.

    Like

    Reply

Leave a reply to Rob Cancel reply