Poetry: Saying Goodbye

The Waldorf school my daughter graduated from last week names each class after a tree. That tree becomes the class name, a symbol to rally the class together and form them into a cohesive unit. I wrote this poem to honor her teacher and the Linden tree class. The image was drawn on the chalkboard by her lovely teacher on their very first day together. I hope you enjoy it.


Under the Linden Tree

I. Branches and Leaves

Swept forth into the strong branches 
of the Linden tree, you call out “look at me”
and “it’s not fair” straining to be heard among 
the others. Within your fellow heart-shaped
leaves you found symmetry, serrated edges—your
pointed tips sharpened by your proximity to 
magic.

Noisy bees circled, drawn by your
sweetness, your softness transformed by 
storms into hardened beauty carved into 
any form you like. Tilia, basswood, lime—
your names ring out like justice and peace
dancing around the base of graceful towering
magic.

Seasons danced happily through your 
green leaves, braced together and held firm
by the juggling trunk’s deep roots far deeper
than any tempest could shake. Tiny creamy 
yellow flowers burst forth in bundles, hanging 
tight to the tree with ambrosial scented, delicate
magic.

Youth green fullness, brash and vividly bold,
gave way to golden autumn’s crisp firmness
curled tight together clinging on for one more
precious moment. Yet, breezes come to transform
one into many, flying on fitted spiraling wings from
your fertile orchard, singing the forever song of Linden
magic.

II. Trunk

Blown into an orchard, banded cord thick with
butterflies, steady roots plant deep in slippery soil 
ripe with crawling, noisy seekers crying out with
“whys” and “how comes.” Beneath the Linden
branches the red-winged cardinal’s two-part whistle 
sings of beginnings, suns, moons—ancient woody 
magic.

Gathered together under loosely woven branches
communing and feasting wildness transforms into 
dancing movement. Light streaks through limbs to
cover crowns as Jack Frost frolics with snowflakes as
hands, melting hardness into puddles of kindred
kindness. Leafy bunches become conical, balanced
magic.

Ridged, furrowed scaly bark grows and smooths  
until shining with etched runes it reaches across
fast-moving water to capture sacred geometric
truths within bright colored folds. Bears prowl 
near, scratching fears, stretching up toward 
cascading waters, ravens, dragons, stones–Earth
magic.

Winds blow birds nests nestled into grooves worn 
smooth by patient hands. Across distances the song
remains strong, drawing the Linden into itself, singing
melodies deeply woven through delicate leafy veins
forever connected, forever entwined, forever part of 
sunlight’s loving embrace, warmth wrapped in bonded
magic.

Photography: Haziness Abounds

It’s been an incredibly busy week with my daughter graduating from 8th grade. Between crying, looking through old photos, and running from one event to the next, photography has been far from my mind. I’ve been feeling blurry, scattered, and overcome with many emotions.

Although I wish I’d taken photos of all the events, I really couldn’t. I needed to see and feel it all without hiding behind the lens, to be fully present with the community we are leaving after 13 years. I did manage a few photos around the house this week, and I’ve been given permission to share some of the senior photos I took of my nephew a few weeks ago. He graduates at the end of this week and I’m going to have a lot more chances to cry. He was the tiniest baby I’ve ever seen and he’s grown into a handsome, funny, and amazing young man.

I hope you enjoy my photography offerings this week.


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Poetry: Summer Fruit

moist from chlorine-dipped playing
I cut watermelon into tiny squares
popping bites into my mouth
savoring summer’s near sweetness

the news finds me, wriggles into my
consciousness with painful realness
sucking the wind from my gut—
my Elaine teaches in Texas

she answers right away, but the 
relief lasts two seconds, two breaths
more than those babies have left
in their tiny 10-year-old bodies

awards ceremony in the morning
death in the afternoon, these mothers
had to identify their child’s bodies made
unrecognizable by AR-15’s brutality

“thoughts and prayers” elicit mother
bear anger, growls growing deeper
can’t protect, can’t stop the broken
not again, not again, not again

one tourniquet in “stop the bleed” kits
kindergarten active shooter drills
more guns less guns battle rages 
while kids remain “sitting ducks”

mental health month means colored
ribbons tied on campus trees as a boy
almost my son’s age finds his only 
hope in the power of a too-lethal gun

four classmates of my daughter 
are hospitalized for mental health 
while we double down on upping 
test scores and blocking abortion

I shook the hands of a Parkland teen
begging Washington D.C. to take action
four years ago, today I wish I could hug 
him and tell him all his work still mattered

evil, corrupt, greedy, selfish, blind—hope feels
minuscule scrolling long list of mass shootings
while saying the same things over and over
wondering what words can even do

sullied by fear I can’t ignore, I considered
keeping my kids close today, locked within 
my arms to sob into their perfect shoulders
keenly aware of America’s vast brokenness

it’s spirit day at my daughter’s school
water fights, popsicles, last-minute gleeful 
moments before goodbyes leak into 
summer sunshine, summer fruit

I don’t know what else to do but sob
and bare witness as mothers mourn
and greedy splintered politics remain
–sour watermelon promises

Author’s note: If you’ve come here to debate me, I will delete your comment.


Related posts

#100DayProject: Photography-Week Fourteen

“The best teacher is experience and not through someone’s distorted point of view.” –Jack Kerouac

This is the final week of the #100 Day Project. I’ve learned so much about myself through this journey of taking hundreds of photos and publishing more than 70 here on the blog. I’ve gained a lot of perspective into the world of photography and fallen in love with my camera.

I also learned, that while I love nature photography, I don’t have the patience or time to get the shots I really want to capture. The hummingbird photo below, my favorite I’ve taken through the 100 days, was a happy accident. I was walking through Nevada City when this little fellow buzzed past my ear and then began flitting from flower to flower. I only got a few shots before he zipped away, but I love this one so much I’m going to frame it.

Although the project is coming to an end, I’ll continue to post photos each Monday. I have some great chances for photography coming up this summer and I hope I’ll be able to get my camera out of manual mode more and delve deeper into the wonderful ways I can capture the world around me.

Thank you to everyone who has followed my progress and given me feedback. I have felt very encouraged and supported in this journey. It’s not the end, but another beginning.

If you’re unfamiliar with the 100 Day Project, the concept is simple. You choose any creative project you like and do it every day for 100 days, sharing your process on social media using the hashtag #The100DayProject. This year the dates are Feb. 13-May 24.

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Two bonus photos:

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Wednesdays are for Poetry

This week I had a clear poetry dream. I woke with the words floating around me and I managed to capture a few of them in my journal. The entire concept of the poem, however, isn’t complete. I’m hoping when the school year is over and we get through graduations and parties, I’ll have time to sit and fully complete my strange little cheese grater poem. Stay tuned.

I want to thank the WordPress poetry community. You have created such a positive and safe space. I’m honored and humbled so many have read and commented on my poems. Thank you. You sure do know how to make a gal feel welcome and encouraged. I haven’t had as much time to read and comment lately, but this summer I’ll be deep-diving into all your wonderful words. There is an abundance of talent and inspiration here. Thank you for making me feel so welcome.

My offerings this week:

  • Free-verse poem processing my feelings after dropping my daughter off in the woods (pictured above) for her 8th-grade trip. She’ll be fine. I mean, right? Right??
  • Erasure poem created from a page of “A Court of Wings and Ruin” by Sarah J. Maas
  • Erasure poem created from page one of “The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue” by V.E. Schwab

Both of the Erasure poems were a gift for a dear friend’s birthday. I didn’t get a great photo before handing them off, but still wanted to include the process and the words.


Erosion

tiny increments of sand
tiny toes and hands
barely perceptible
yet unbreakable
changes everything
changes nothing

wind, water, waves

latched together we begin
as not two
but one plus one 
merging all moments
hearts beating, meeting 
together in time

wind, water, waves

tempest tantrums force
skinned feelings as
two become two
linked by still fused
hearts beating, meeting 
together in time

wind, water, waves

finger by finger hands
pry free, move toward
monkey bars and swings
pushing, pulling as still
hearts beat, meeting
together in time

wind, water, waves

warring words rage
as torrential tears
fall between two who
don’t see how to keep
hearts beating, meeting 
together in time

wind, water, waves

standing taller than 
mother, biting hard 
at tethers outgrown, words
sting eyes, burn places where
hearts beat, meeting
together in time

wind, water, waves

spring becomes winter
winter becomes spring 
old-growth gives way to
loves eternal connection
hearts beat, meeting
together in time

wind, water, waves

acres and acres of sand
brushes between same-sized hands
barely perceptible
yet unbreakable
changes everything
changes nothing

*Thank you Chris for inspiring me to record myself reading my poetry


The Artist

Painting a lie 
bright pale, blooms 
fat sunshine, idle 
rose lurking, open
thorns, satiny hills 
distance—unrelenting.

Painted flesh-shredding
flowers, chocked off
sunlight, smaller stained 
brushstroke, wide calculated 
dab—swirlcolors. 

Portray not idyllic 
disposition, not too
happy, finally healing 
horrors, divulged past 
crafted—demeanor.

I chose.


Don’t Look Back

Running air burns back 
angry mobs. Lanterns glow 
breaks horizon, spills tangling 
woods to beat dying wind.

Shadow blurring flowers from 
ground. Stars wake like freckles.

One love.
One life.
One god.

Mock promises.

Doesn’t slow.
Doesn’t look.
Doesn’t want.
Stands static.

She runs.

#100DayProject: Photography-Week Thirteen

“You don’t have to stay anywhere forever.” – Neil Gaiman from The Sandman

Last night I wanted to see the “blood moon” eclipse. Nobody in my family wanted to join me, so I went outside myself. The houses, trees, and clouds blocked the sky and I couldn’t see anything. Normally, I’d have let exhaustion win out and simply gone to bed. Being an amateur photographer though, changed my mind. I really wanted to try and photograph the eclipse. It felt important to me.

I grabbed my camera and climbed into the van, pajamas and all. At the top of the nearest hill, I found every single parking spot taken. It seems I was too late to the party. Driving and driving, I couldn’t see the moon anywhere and the only places I found to pull over were blocked by trees and houses. Time was ticking away and I was convinced I’d missed my chance, but I didn’t give up.

I put on some upbeat music and followed any road with hills, trying to get as high as I could. Finally, at the very end of my window of time, I found an area with new construction. When I pulled in I found a lookout spot clear of trees and people, complete with a cute little bench. A beautiful breeze greeted me and I spent about 15 minutes taking photos and allowing myself to enjoy this rare moment of peaceful reflection.

Photography and writing are giving me permission to seek out beauty and magic for myself. It’s giving me hope I’m going to be okay when my teenagers leave home, a blueprint for what life after the busy day-to-day mothering has ended.

I’m so grateful for this journey.

If you’re unfamiliar with the 100 Day Project, the concept is simple. You choose any creative project you like and do it every day for 100 days, sharing your process on social media using the hashtag #The100DayProject. This year the dates are Feb. 13-May 24.

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My bonus photos this week are those I took of the lunar eclipse. Although the photos aren’t the best, they are some of my favorites. The last shot was taken as I was walking back to the van, a quick shot I was surprised to find out later not only captured my entire face but also the peace of the moment.

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Poetry: Am I Still Doing This?

Last week, I heard Neil Gaiman and Michael Gallowglass read poetry in person. Both experiences were vastly different and I learned quite a bit about why I’m so drawn to this form of writing. It’s like a powerful treasure hunt of meaning, and when it’s done well, it lingers with you and leaves its mark.

My poetry class ended, but I think I’ll continue to share poems each Wednesday. Most likely it will be something related to my weekly short story, but I’m not going to limit myself. I hope to experiment with different poetic forms and find my own voice.

This week I’m sharing six poems. The first two are ekphrastic poems written as class assignments, the second two are free-verse poems written to accompany my short story The Red-Haired Beauty, and the final two are a nonet and triolet written as an afterthought for my latest short story Playing Games.

Thank you to everyone who continues to read my blog and give me feedback. It means the world to me.


The Blue Woods

Ancient woody arms
with hunched-back shadows,
press through darkness
to where children
walk alone.

Harsh hallowed wind 
rips, tears flowing
nightclothes, while feverish
famished bears slowly
grumble nearby.

Follow the moon
with cold bare-toes
pressed firm. Ignore 
whipping sounds clawing
at innocence.

Into blinking dark
night’s warm bosom,
shaking-unsteady, my
dearests—for nightmares 
aren’t real.

*This was based on looking at the cover art of “The Ocean at the End of the Lane”


To Be Them

Mother says keep moving,
the waters can 
rise up again
in an instant,
but I want
to see twisting
wires, and climb
to the top
like kids without
parents do.

Mother says don’t question
our lot, our
struggling, fumbling life
but the faded
colors of towers
built for them,
mock me—joy
not meant for
those who look
like me.

Mother says be kind,
but they come
to hallowed ground,
our sacred birthplace.
Blood mixed soil
infused with ancient
seawater—ancestral fragments
of us, but
they do not
see us.

Mother says don’t hate,
like brother does
when we find
pictures of smiling
pink cheeks, white
hats on colorful
cars. They eat
fluffed candy without
thinking of who
lives here.

Mother says don’t wonder
what cream smothered
on white skin
smells like. Or
how they keep
clothes sparkling while
screaming through steep
dips. We know
the real danger
is us.

Mother says find things
to sell them
on return, but
the waters might
never stop coming.
She still believes
we need them
to survive. She
doesn’t see hope
in me.

Mother makes more jewelry
for thin necks
and tiny wrists,
but if they
don’t return maybe
they can drape
my thick dark
ones, and she’ll
call little me
beautiful too.

Mother cries for lost
toys crushed by
the sea. Not
me. I hope
they stay away,
in their honey-
colored love boats.
So we don’t
disappear back into
shadows again.

*This was based on an art image of carnival-type rides fallen into disrepair


Bubbles I

Saliva pools inside puffed pink cheeks as the 
squishy bubble bursts between molars, exploding 
juices down my scratchy throat. Burning it fizzles
inside; soda pop madness, sweet as jars of candy 
swiped from dark corner shops while peers sit
behind rows of school desks. Her face, the one
swallowed by the slinky shadow creature while I walked 
unknowing into the wrong silent place, comes 
now with painful throbbing to sing words I’d heard
long ago but forgotten, and to brush the stray hairs off 
my sticky cheek with soft fingertips. The thoughts of love 
once mine, unasked for but given anyway, are pinpricks
of pain, nerves awakening after pinched off so long, messages
to tell my body to really feel. I stuff more into my mouth, craving
sensations of the forgotten, much too much, but oh
how my true name echoes and changes everything.

Bubbles II

Plucked from our icy home deep within 
the salty brine of life’s starting place, we 
slumber in grains of sand tinier than eyes can 
perceive. Minute flecks of light, rays of sun
mixed with moonlight, we live far below 
scuttling claws and slippery flippers. You called us 
forth in an instant, brought by proximity
to the shadow of The Shadow’s mark upon
your soft imperfect body. We saw you weeping 
into our waters and felt compelled to stir 
and rise. We exist, persist, to seek balance 
between all things. Shifting, we move matter within 
moments with forces older than time, faster than 
light and sound. You can’t see until we let you 
the realness of your truth. The faces and moments 
feasted upon and stolen from you within the sacred 
silence it lurks behind. Teasing, we form 
into physical shapes, tempting you to taste of your 
life, plopped into waiting warm mouths, sliding
into the depths of bone and muscle, wiggling
and writhing—alive. We unleash captured memories
to dance on the surface of your consciousness, tangos 
of truth you knew but which it hid within the folds of time.

*Read The Red-Haired Beauty


After School | A Triolet

she’s waiting for me when the bell rings
faded yellow sweater smelling of home
unknown to me except in dreams, no wings
she’s waiting for me when the bell rings
my name upon her lips she does sing
with bluest eyes framed by glasses of chrome
she’s waiting for me when the bell rings
faded yellow sweater smelling of home

Mother’s Love | A Nonet

my mother knows every inch of me
her child from any time or place
we fold into each other
her arms a warm blanket
of protection from
the bad dreams of
shadowy
death
my mother heals every inch of me

*Read Playing Games


More Poems

#100DayProject: Photography-Week Twelve

“I cannot help but wonder how many of us walk through our lives, day after day, feeling slightly broken and alone, surrounded all the time by others who feel exactly the same way.” -Patrick Rothfuss, The Slow Regard of Silent Things

While waiting in line in San Francisco this week to hear Neil Gaiman speak, I struck up a conversation with an interesting woman dressed in beautiful shades of green. We talked of our love of Gaiman, but also of our own creative endeavors. It felt wonderful to have projects to talk about and to feel comfortable sharing my journey. Art allows us to connect through our shared brokenness and to feel part of something bigger than ourselves.

I’m still new to calling myself a writer and photographer, but I’m loving this journey of creative self-expression. My photos this week mostly come from that overnight trip. I hope you enjoy them and have a wonderful week.

If you’re unfamiliar with the 100 Day Project, the concept is simple. You choose any creative project you like and do it every day for 100 days, sharing your process on social media using the hashtag #The100DayProject. This year the dates are Feb. 13-May 24.

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Here are a few bonus photos:

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Poetry: Am I Cool Enough to Play in the Poet’s Sandbox?

Poetry has wriggled itself inside me, leaving me pondering words and feelings for hours. I wish I’d not stopped writing so I’d be further along and far more skilled at expressing myself and seeing metaphors and abstractions. My poetry class has been a rough back and forth. Sometimes I feel excited and joyful, and other times I’m filled with crippling self-doubt.

I have a lot of work to do.

This week we did our own version of two poems, which play off of each other.

The first is “We Real Cool” by Gwendolyn Brooks. We were to write a version of this poem as a writer at Comic-Con. I’m fairly certain I’m the only person in my class who has never been, but I imagined myself there. The first thing that came to mind was feeling like I don’t belong—a sense I’m not creative or real enough. I followed the exact format of the poem and found when others shared their interpretations they were far less rigid in their thinking—something for me to ponder moving forward.

For our second poem, we looked at “The Golden Shovel” by Terrance Hayes. He uses all the words of “We Real Cool” to create two more poems with different meanings. I found this exercise the most fun I’ve had so far. I loved breaking the words up and playing with how they sounded reading them out loud. This was also the most personal for me, exploring my feelings of being not worthy of being part of the creative world.

I hope you enjoy this third week of poetry. As always, any and all feedback is greatly appreciated.


Wordy Ones
Lost at Comic-Con

Too much I see
This bunch. See

The fake. See
Me take. See

Words real. See
Me feel. See

It all. See
Me fall.


Lost in Wordy World

Part I

Audaciously ungraciously stumbling too
drunk with unresolved dreams much
too much to be with, play with, cool kids. I
pretend, extend, and reach with all to see

if real me is enough. Naive and candied, honeyed this
world of wordy geniuses, the authentic bunch
eludes timeworn plain-Jane me, blinking un see

n. Hidden within shadows, turning, twisting off the
path traveled, into deep waters where fabulous fake
ery lives within the pulsing, pushing. Arms paddle to see/

sea creatures within writhing, writing to unearth a me.
Screeching too late, too late, haunted—take
deeper voyage under, over, pen on paper to see

k truths with excavated shoveled sand. Words uncover wily words
writhing words, piled upward and upright toward some real
ness. Will I, won’t I, the dance of solitary solidarity see

ing where words take, two pigeon-toed left feet, lead/lean on me.
Bounded, tethered by urgent hoping, desperation—finally feel
and reel and real, to uncover the sea and seethe and see.

Kindness, ambition married with martyr me, it
wars, bloodied knives out, within my curving all-rounded
frame. It’s mothering outward me versus internal me see

ing vast emptiness hidden in wordy distant worlds. The me
to be, to stumble, slipping on words with care, for I may fatally fall.

Part II

Writers write words too
big inside to ignore, much
ruckus, boisterous blabbering. But I
hear the calling whippoorwills, see

the creaking willows in this
hollow by the sea. I fond a bunch
of cryptic messages, bottles see

n bobbing up and down the
waves to me, for me. Not fake
pain, no, far too real. See

the version, vision of me
you see, isn’t to take,
no, it isn’t for you to see

at all. With my words/
weapons I become more real
ly me. Each breath, see

words flow, float from me
—pen on paper, the feel
of all or nothing, see

me give and give, it
feels like not enough. All
I am and all I see—

collections of words in me.
Don’t look away or I’ll fall.

#100DayProject: Photography-Week Eleven

“May, more than any other month of the year, wants us to feel alive.” -Fennel Hudson

My daughter’s 8th grade Waldorf class danced around the maypole yesterday in celebration of May Day. The entire community wears white clothing and colorful flower crowns. It’s one of my favorite traditions and it felt extra healing and important this year after not having it for the last two years. It was a day of beauty, connection, and community. I hope you enjoy these photos, they are some of my favorites I’ve taken.

If you’re unfamiliar with the 100 Day Project, the concept is simple. You choose any creative project you like and do it every day for 100 days, sharing your process on social media using the hashtag #The100DayProject. This year the dates are Feb. 13-May 24.

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Here’s a bonus photo of my beautiful daughter looking up at the completed maypole.

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