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Poetry: Dandelion Battle

Wandering mimsy-like
through vorpal woods
gyre strapped mome-like
upon my thigh—
Gimble finds me.

Draped in white
dandelion fur cloak
brillig bright eyes
slithy black hair—
Gimble mocks me.

Uffishly pouncing forth
callay sword drawn
frumiously sweating brows
lips drawn tight—
Gimble attacks me.

With callooh quickness
sidestepping his blade
I cry out
“nobody outgrabe’s me”—
Gimble circles me.

Eyes locked together
two lost-raths 
in the night
frabjous moon laughs—
Gimble sees me.

Beamishly he stares
eyes dripping tears
remembering our love
gyre kisses lost—
Gimble flees me.

Trailing behind him
whiffling white fluff
swirls softly around
my tulgey toes—
Gimble forsakes me.

Again.
Coward.

Note: This poem uses neologisms found in Lewis Carroll’s famous Jabberwocky poem and was started as an assignment for a poetry class I took from M. Todd Gallowglas last weekend. It’s got a bit of a different tone than I usually write and I’d love to know what you think. Thank you!

47 thoughts on “Poetry: Dandelion Battle”

  8. I actually loved it; it had me diving in , deciphering words; but the magic and sweep of the verse held me, the mystery of it; strange and eccentric, it drew me in rather than drove me away; a brave and adventurous piece !

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    • I wanted the words to sweep by you and for the story to draw you along even if so many of the words are nonsensical. I’m so glad it worked for you! I appreciate you reading it and for the wonderfully generous comment. Thank you!

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  11. You test me my friend. My lady friend, a former high school English teacher, she loves the Jabberwocky. Sorry however – not me. So that’s my uphill grade I’m facing here. My personal tastes are my business, not yours, nor should they be. But it matters for me, to contribute to your experience. To that end I’ve read and re-read your poem, the better to see you my dear (said the big bad wolf).

    And it did calm me down. Normally I STOP when I encounter a word I don’t know. But reading this requires a more sonic, musical ear and sensibility. I got closer. Question – do you read your poems aloud to yourself? Getting closer, got easier for me. Good exercise.

    Put me back in touch with a recent video seen (and even short poem “doing” the same) about a ballet master working with his performers. His voice (and information) was music. I may go revisit that.

    Also I like (reasonable me – ha!) the end line of each stanza. Gimble finds me, mocks me, attacks me… Kind of a sub-text story voice. Nice. No, more than nice – good story just in those lines alone.

    My teacher friend related a class project she used – asking students, using the first two Jabberwocky stanzas, to replace the made-up words with real words with the same tonal quality and consistency. Much much positive result (ie. happy expressive students). Just another layer I thought you might like as well. (transliteration of a sort!)

    Good pictures, of course.

    Me thinks you are a good student and doing exactly what you should be doing. (I still feel some critical for me being so verbose, but no surprise by now. Hope you know what I always mean.) (dinner time)

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    • Thanks for sticking with it despite not being a fan of the nonsense words of Lewis Carroll. I read my poems out loud at least a dozen or so times before publishing them—I’m not sure how you can write poetry without reading it out loud. It’s the only way I hear the internal rhythm or the heartbeat of the words. It’s how I discovered the last line in each stanza needed to end in the same way. It pulled the poem together and gave you a narrative to follow if the other parts were too confusing. I love the idea of doing the reverse (replacing the nonsense words with real words) and might try that as a fun exercise.

      You never have to apologize for being verbose to me—I quite enjoy it!

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  14. Writing is an art and I think it’s great how you like to explore and experience new and different styles or methods in how you approach your art, in this case, your study of neologisms. I’m not much of a writer myself, regardless I really enjoyed your poem and think it flows beautifully!

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    • Thank you for such a kind and thoughtful comment, Jennifer! I’m so glad you enjoyed it and liked the way it flowed. It’s fun to try new things. I’ve got a few new ideas from taking this poetry class I’ll be playing with over the next few weeks. I’m excited to continue exploring and playing with words!

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  18. I love this, Bridgette. I’m very familiar with this poem so it was so fun to see other uses of Carroll’s ‘nonsense’ words that make sense, The repetition worked so well, I think; pulls it all together. Love the ending, too. 🙂

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