Trees

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#100DayProject: Watercolors-Week 4

“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”-Roy T. Bennett

Welcome to the fourth week of my #100DayProject. Before we get to the watercolors, I want to share with you a moment of self-discovery I had this morning while journaling. Although I’ve had similar “aha” moments in the past, this time it feels a bit deeper. Maybe you’ll relate.

As a parent we want our kids to have the very best lives. We want them to thrive and be happy. Both my kids are struggling. My son still deals with the effects of two major accidents and my daughter has serious mental health struggles. This has taken from my kids “normal” teenage milestones like getting their driver’s license or attending prom. The picture I had of their teenage years is nothing like what we are experiencing and it breaks my heart. I often don’t know what to do.

These feelings have led me to internalize the belief that their struggles are entirely my fault. I tell myself that if I was a “better” mother they wouldn’t be facing such obstacles. I blame myself so deeply for everything that it’s become a catalyst for self-destructive behavior. I’m not eating right or caring for my body. I’m not nurturing my marriage or my friendships. I’m not even writing like I was.

I keep trying to restart everything, but I can’t seem to do it. This is where the big “aha” happened for me this morning. The reason I’m failing is I’ve decided I deserve to be punished. I failed as a mother and therefore I deserve to be miserable. After all, how can I be happy if my children are not? How can I continue to pursue my dreams when my kids are hurting? Isn’t that selfish? Isn’t that wrong?

Of course, it’s not. I need to lead my family by example. Taking care of my body and meeting my goals will inspire my family and give me more energy to face everything. Allowing the weight of the world to press me down doesn’t help anyone. It seems like such a simple thing to realize, but at the same time, it feels enormous. I’m not sure how to translate this into action yet, but it feels like a wobbly step in the right direction.

Now, let’s talk about watercolor! This week I focused on happiness and light—things I’m seeking to call into my life again. My painting time has become a great counterbalance to the heavy stuff I’ve been processing in my journal. My skill level has remained the same, but I’m okay with that. Right now it’s not about growth—it’s about survival and joy. 

I’d love to know if you can relate to my story or have a favorite painting or haiku. Thanks for following my blog and for always cheering me on. Happy Wednesday!

#1
magical forest
dancing brightly in my dreams
help me stand taller

#2
golden shiny sun
deep within my mystic core
heal my broken heart

#3
budding shamrock luck
shimmy shimmy sway and shake
boogie down spring street

#4
blurry-eyed flowers
wake from their long winter rest
see them jump and play

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#100DayProject: Watercolors-Week 3

“All you really need to do is accept this moment fully. You are then at ease in the here and now and at ease with yourself.”-Eckhart Tolle

Welcome to the third week of my #100DayProject. While I started watercolor painting as a way to combat my perfectionism, it has become an important part of my morning ritual. I use the early morning hours to process my emotions and combat my anxiety. Watercolors have blended into my routine so easily that it feels as if I’ve been doing it far longer than 21 days.

Things I discovered this week:

  • Start every painting with a wash of light color
  • Taping the paper to the board is highly satisfying
  • Pulling off the tape is equally satisfying
  • I work best when I have a source image
  • I need to accept my limitations

Although I’m still enjoying the painting process, my skill level is limiting my creativity. My challenge going forward will be to see what happens after I accept this uncomfortable feeling. Thanks for following me on another adventure and being so supportive. Let me know if you have a favorite painting or haiku. I love hearing from you.

#1
fuzzy purple dears
hazy purple cloudy years
don’t forget to breathe

#2
snowy wonderland
pine-scented fantasy world
come get lost with me

#3
fall with me, Alice
down another rabbit hole
where purple skies sing

#4
something calls to me
in the ancient borogoves
do you hear it too?


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52 Photo Challenge: Week 8-Negative Space

“I sometimes think of people’s personalities as the negative space around their insecurities.” -Lindy West 

This week my assignment for the 52-week photo challenge was to capture something with negative space (also known as “copy space” in the commercial-photography industry). It’s a more minimalist style photo and allows space for advertising text to be added.

My first attempt was at our local Green Acres Nursery, but the plants were too close together and I couldn’t get enough space to create the effect I wanted. The last two photos below are the only ones I kept from that shoot. They don’t quite work for negative space, but I really liked how they turned out.

My second attempt was this morning in the rain. I drove around to the farms near my house and I captured these moody photos. I know #8 doesn’t work, but I wanted to include it anyway. Let me know which shot you think best uses the concept of negative space and which is your favorite. Thanks for supporting me!

#1

#2
#3

#4

#5

#6

#7

#8

#9 (This one is dedicated to Cori)

#10

  • Photos were taken with an Olympus OM-D and edited with ON1 Photo RAW
  • If you want to join the 52 Photo Challenge, you can find all the information at nicolesy.com

52 Photo Challenge
Week 1: Bokeh
Week 2: Silhouette
Week 3: Black and White
Week 4: Motion Blur
Week 5: Texture
Week 6: Framing
Week 7: Leading Lines

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Photography: South Lake Tahoe

 “I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

I was gifted an overnight trip to Tahoe with my daughter and her best friend. I didn’t know how badly I needed this break. It gave me the chance to get away from my chores, marvel at the beauty of the world, make up stories about monsters hiding in dark snow, and sing in the car at the top of my lungs.

While my life has been hard lately, it’s equally beautiful. It’s the dark bare trees standing up in a field of white. I’d like to share a few things with you.

A childhood friend died unexpectedly last week. Cori introduced me to Sweet Valley High books and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I have fond memories of playing in her pool, doing runway shows in her hallway, and snuggling in blankets to watch movies. I’m devasted for the sister left behind as she’s now lost her father and both her older sisters. Why does tragedy strike some families more than others? It’s wildly unfair.

My daughter continues to struggle with her mental health. This week we had some of the hardest conversations I’ve had in my life, but we are moving forward. She’s getting stronger and bolder about her recovery. Healing isn’t linear and sometimes those steps back are necessary to take another leap forward.

My mother is moving more than 500 miles away in less than two weeks and I’m not ready for her to go. I’ll be helping her move and I know this is good for her, but I’m grieving the loss of being able to see her whenever I want. Super plus side, I’ll get to take photographs in Washington and I’ve heard it’s breathtaking.

I’ve been reading poetry monthly at a wonderfully inclusive and supportive bookstore called A Seat at the Table. They’ve offered to help me launch my book career by hosting a reading/book signing for my 52-short story collection in early May. I’ve got a lot of work to do before I’m ready, but it’s exciting and feels like purpose and joy.

I’ve not posted as much lately and I’m behind in reading my favorite bloggers, but I’m back at it today. Thanks to those who continue to root me on, your support means the world to me. Let me know what you think of these Tahoe photos and have a wonderful week!

  • Photos were taken with an Olympus OM-D and edited with ON1 Photo RAW

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Photography: Snow Day

“I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says, ‘Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.’”― Lewis Carroll

A storm blew through this weekend bringing rain to our town and snow to the mountains. On Sunday, my daughter and I drove until chains were required to play in and photograph the beauty of the first flakes. Not having ever lived in the snow myself, it’s easy to romantize the way the white clings to the green of the trees. It felt truly like the spirit of the winter season and I wish we could have stayed all day.

Please enjoy this selection of images below and have a wonderful week.

  • Photos were taken with an Olympus OM-D and edited with ON1 Photo RAW

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Photography: Sunday Drive

“All he needed was a wheel in his hand and four on the road.” -Jack Kerouac

Yesterday I took a leisurely drive with my daughter through the more undeveloped parts of our area. It was a clear, beautiful autumn day and I stopped occasionally to take photos when the roads provided enough space to pull over. My photos this week are the best of those images. I edited them all to have a similar tone. Is it my best work? No. Is it okay to simply like them and not love them? Sure. I’m learning and growing. It’s all part of the process.

These next few days are the final push to finish up NaNoWriMo. I’m behind. I’ve got to write 7,652 words by Wednesday. I’ve reached the “Brain, activate Deadline mode” phase. Here’s where being an unpublished writer gets tricky. Nobody really cares if I make this deadline except me. I have to be the one continuously digging deep to make my deadlines. There are really no consequences if I fail. Yet, I don’t want to fail. I don’t want to let myself down.

To everyone giving me support and cheering me on, thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. May everyone have a wonderful week filled with the things you love best.

  • Photos were taken with an Olympus OM-D and edited with ON1 Photo RAW

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Photography: Effie Yeaw Nature Center

“I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery—air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, ‘This is what it is to be happy.’”―Sylvia Plath

This morning my daughter and I visited the beautiful trails around Effie Yeaw Nature Center in Carmichael. A lot of uncertainty circles us right now and being in nature provided a much-needed respite. We saw five baby deer leap across the trail. Two large bucks slam their antlers into each other until one relented and ran off. Squirrels scampering up and down the trees. Salmon jumping out of the river. It felt magical to have this time together.

I hope you enjoy this selection of images and may it bring you a moment of peace.

  • Photos were taken with an Olympus OM-D and edited with ON1 Photo RAW

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