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Shoebox Poetry: Spring Flowers

I am dancing yellow flowers
moss growing on a cracked boulder
dragonfly battles waged through cattail forests
sleeping rocks tucked beneath rotted boards
wide-winged hawks quietly circling prey

I am daring spring sunshine
fields of green miner’s lettuce wet with dew
twisted trees reflected in muddy puddles
colorful floral crowns skipping around a maypole
teeny tiny frogs in a toddler’s hand

I am dandelion fluff wishes
bubbles caught in a spiraling spider web
fat white clouds pressing through a rainbow
afternoons spent reading in a hammock
soft rabbits hiding among wild buttercups

I am lively starry jubilation
moon struck open-armed happiness
deep water thick-boned delight
galaxy swirling sweet poetry madness
freckle-faced daisy ringed freedom

Shoebox Poetry: This is the third poem in my series based on an old box of photos I inherited when my grandmother died in 2004. I love the joy in this photo and I hope my words match its beauty and grace. Happy first week of spring!

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Photography: Local Cemetery

“We’re all ghosts. We all carry, inside us, people who came before us.”
-Liam Callanan

I’ve been thinking a lot about my grandmothers lately. Both of them were strong ladies filled with secrets and heartache. Neither of them lived a happy and fulfilled life. They passed onto me a restlessness and a sharp sadness I feel in my bones.

I don’t have a place to visit them, so for our photography lesson today I took my daughter and mother to our small local cemetery. It was a peaceful morning and I walked around thinking about what legacy I will leave my children. How do I want them to remember me?

I keep coming back to the idea that they need to see me happy. It’s by far the greatest gift I can give them—a legacy of peacefulness and joy. They need to see me publish my book, be active and strong, and cultivate my own happiness. I want to leave them a legacy far different than the one passed onto me. I have work to do.

It’s not my photography day, but I want to share these photos with you anyway. I edited them boldly, exaggerating the colors, and I hope you find something interesting in them.

  • Photos were taken with an Olympus OM-D and edited with ON1 Photo RAW
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#100DayProject: Watercolors-Week 4

“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”-Roy T. Bennett

Welcome to the fourth week of my #100DayProject. Before we get to the watercolors, I want to share with you a moment of self-discovery I had this morning while journaling. Although I’ve had similar “aha” moments in the past, this time it feels a bit deeper. Maybe you’ll relate.

As a parent we want our kids to have the very best lives. We want them to thrive and be happy. Both my kids are struggling. My son still deals with the effects of two major accidents and my daughter has serious mental health struggles. This has taken from my kids “normal” teenage milestones like getting their driver’s license or attending prom. The picture I had of their teenage years is nothing like what we are experiencing and it breaks my heart. I often don’t know what to do.

These feelings have led me to internalize the belief that their struggles are entirely my fault. I tell myself that if I was a “better” mother they wouldn’t be facing such obstacles. I blame myself so deeply for everything that it’s become a catalyst for self-destructive behavior. I’m not eating right or caring for my body. I’m not nurturing my marriage or my friendships. I’m not even writing like I was.

I keep trying to restart everything, but I can’t seem to do it. This is where the big “aha” happened for me this morning. The reason I’m failing is I’ve decided I deserve to be punished. I failed as a mother and therefore I deserve to be miserable. After all, how can I be happy if my children are not? How can I continue to pursue my dreams when my kids are hurting? Isn’t that selfish? Isn’t that wrong?

Of course, it’s not. I need to lead my family by example. Taking care of my body and meeting my goals will inspire my family and give me more energy to face everything. Allowing the weight of the world to press me down doesn’t help anyone. It seems like such a simple thing to realize, but at the same time, it feels enormous. I’m not sure how to translate this into action yet, but it feels like a wobbly step in the right direction.

Now, let’s talk about watercolor! This week I focused on happiness and light—things I’m seeking to call into my life again. My painting time has become a great counterbalance to the heavy stuff I’ve been processing in my journal. My skill level has remained the same, but I’m okay with that. Right now it’s not about growth—it’s about survival and joy. 

I’d love to know if you can relate to my story or have a favorite painting or haiku. Thanks for following my blog and for always cheering me on. Happy Wednesday!

#1
magical forest
dancing brightly in my dreams
help me stand taller

#2
golden shiny sun
deep within my mystic core
heal my broken heart

#3
budding shamrock luck
shimmy shimmy sway and shake
boogie down spring street

#4
blurry-eyed flowers
wake from their long winter rest
see them jump and play

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52 Photo Challenge: Week 11-Green

“The dawn was apple-green,
The sky was green wine held up in the sun,
The moon was a golden petal between.

She opened her eyes, and green
They shone, clear like flowers undone
For the first time, now for the first time seen.”-D. H. Lawrence

This week my assignment for the 52 photo challenge was to capture something green. My mother, daughter, and I caught a break between storms and took pictures along the American River and in downtown Folsom. It was a lovely day with plenty of green things to catch my eye. We all needed this time together.

Things with my daughter are hard. Last night we went to see the brilliant film “Everything Everywhere All at Once” for a second time and it struck me how much the battle I’m fighting with my daughter’s mental illness is like that horrible black bagel. Her brain tells her so many lies I often feel like I’m at war with her mental illness. Maybe I need to find a way to download some kick-ass martial arts skills or, better yet, find a way to wield my kindness like a weapon.

I sobbed last night in the kitchen for a solid five minutes and then pulled myself back together. What we are doing isn’t working well enough. I’m calling her mental health team again today and asking for more help. I’m exhausted, but I’m hopeful. To quote the film, “When I choose to see the good side of things, I’m not being naive. It is strategic and necessary. It’s how I learned to survive through everything.” I also love this quote, “The only thing I do know is that we have to be kind. Please, be kind. Especially when we don’t know what’s going on.”

Thank you to everyone who reads my blog and spreads kindness. Your comments mean the world to me. Let me know what photo you like best this week. I’m quite partial to the little mushrooms (#2) and the weird cactus-looking weed (#5). I got muddy for both shots but totally worth it. Have a wonderful week!

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  • Photos were taken with an Olympus OM-D and edited with ON1 Photo RAW
  • If you want to join the 52 Photo Challenge, you can find all the information at nicolesy.com

52 Photo Challenge
Week 1: Bokeh
Week 2: Silhouette
Week 3: Black and White
Week 4: Motion Blur
Week 5: Texture
Week 6: Framing
Week 7: Leading Lines
Week 8: Negative Space
Week 9: Patterns
Week 10: Symmetry

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Shoebox Poetry: Blurry Eddie

You carve our names “E+K”
into the ancient oak behind
your daddy’s church in hopes
I’ll see, but I’ve grown 
tired of playing your endless

games. My drawers overflow with
your teeny-tiny top-secret 
messages penned on newspaper scraps—
“I miss you,” “meet me
behind the old Bulto Market,”

and “kiss me, dearest Kate,
I’m dying for you.” Just
words. I need more than
blue-eyed winks and brief
hidden embraces. My love needs

sunshine—warm, bright, radiating fire
so vibrant it can’t be
stoppered or hidden. Explosive volcano
love, running thick down our
bodies. Popcorn love, loud hot

buttery passion devoured with both
hands. Instead, you give me
your blurry photograph standing at
301 Caroline Street, our secret
kissing place. You write in

sweeping curvy letters “this is
not very clear, but it’s 
still me. Eddie.” Blurry love
is what you offered, thinking 
I’d accept, but I deserve

someone who wants our love
to be broadcasted, shouted, screamed
into the streets. Bullhorn loud
love. Free to be me
love. So, I chased you

onto the old bridge, calling
out through hot tears, “choose 
all of me or none 
of me.” The bright moonlight 
stretched my dark shadow so 

it covered you entirely as 
you walked away without looking 
back. My young love never
wavered, but yours wasn’t brave
enough to fight. It’s funny

now, finding your thoughtless dare
scrawled in ink, “see how
long you can keep this.”
I kept it forever, blurry
Eddie. Not for you, though

for me.

I stayed in focus.


Shoebox Poetry: This is the second poem in my series based on an old box of photos I inherited when my grandmother died in 2004. I don’t have any idea who Eddie was, but I wanted to rewrite a possible old love story as a moment of empowerment for my grandmother. She was a fierce woman and I like to think she kept this photograph as a reminder of her strength. If someone out there happens to know Eddie, sorry. This is pure fiction and I’m sure he is/was a lovely man.

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#100DayProject: Watercolors-Week 3

“All you really need to do is accept this moment fully. You are then at ease in the here and now and at ease with yourself.”-Eckhart Tolle

Welcome to the third week of my #100DayProject. While I started watercolor painting as a way to combat my perfectionism, it has become an important part of my morning ritual. I use the early morning hours to process my emotions and combat my anxiety. Watercolors have blended into my routine so easily that it feels as if I’ve been doing it far longer than 21 days.

Things I discovered this week:

  • Start every painting with a wash of light color
  • Taping the paper to the board is highly satisfying
  • Pulling off the tape is equally satisfying
  • I work best when I have a source image
  • I need to accept my limitations

Although I’m still enjoying the painting process, my skill level is limiting my creativity. My challenge going forward will be to see what happens after I accept this uncomfortable feeling. Thanks for following me on another adventure and being so supportive. Let me know if you have a favorite painting or haiku. I love hearing from you.

#1
fuzzy purple dears
hazy purple cloudy years
don’t forget to breathe

#2
snowy wonderland
pine-scented fantasy world
come get lost with me

#3
fall with me, Alice
down another rabbit hole
where purple skies sing

#4
something calls to me
in the ancient borogoves
do you hear it too?


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52 Photo Challenge: Week 10-Symmetry

“Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?”
-William Blake

This week my assignment for the 52 photo challenge was to capture something with symmetry. Although it’s such a simple concept, I found it extremely challenging. I started out looking for mirrored images and reflections, but every image I took felt flat and boring. My perfectionist’s brain was narrowing my vision and I just couldn’t find anything that worked.

My solution—take more photos and think less. The bottles above are a great example. While they seem to contain a symmetrical quality to me, they do have variations in shade and labels. Do they still work? I’m not sure. Does it matter? Not really. The idea of this challenge is to train my eye to look for different elements in a photo. By this definition, I’m doing just fine.

These photos were taken on a rainy day in downtown Lincoln and on the road to and from Camp Far West with my mom and daughter. Let me know which shot you think best uses the concept of symmetry and which is your favorite. Have a wonderful week!

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  • Photos were taken with an Olympus OM-D and edited with ON1 Photo RAW
  • If you want to join the 52 Photo Challenge, you can find all the information at nicolesy.com

52 Photo Challenge
Week 1: Bokeh
Week 2: Silhouette
Week 3: Black and White
Week 4: Motion Blur
Week 5: Texture
Week 6: Framing
Week 7: Leading Lines
Week 8: Negative Space
Week 9: Patterns

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Shoebox Poetry: Sunday Pose

pictures on sundays
wearing pure white
pearls, flowers, smiles

but not before

we wash in the family tub
first dad and then my ten brothers
then mother
then me
        cold
        dirt
        shame
        s i n
it absorbs deep into 
        my   soft skin
        my   thick blood
        my   frail bones
leaving me scabbed
broken apart
dirtier than before
but mother covers it all with white

smile, she says
but I’m thinking of willow trees
carving my name with a sharp knife
pomegranate juice running down my chin
screaming at the stars

straighten up, she says
but I’m thinking of foggy forests
walking barefoot through mossy earth
honey dripping from my fingertips
bathing in the moonlight

be sweet, she says
but I’m thinking of roaring waves
sunlight on freckled shoulders
seaweed stuck between toes
salt water taffy kisses

be quiet, she says
but I’m thinking of throwing things
messy hair and dirty fingernails
cadmium yellow, ultramarine blue
painting my own life

but not before

pictures on sundays
wearing pure white
pearls, flowers, smiles

Shoebox Poetry: Last week I rediscovered an old box of photos I inherited when my grandmother died in 2004. This poem is the first in a series of poems using those images as inspiration. Today’s photo is of my grandmother as a young woman. There is no date, but the sweeping handwriting on the back says “Kate, Gill St.” And yes, she told me her entire family bathed in the same water every Sunday before church. Can you even imagine?

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#100DayProject: Watercolors-Week 2

“The purest and most thoughtful minds are those which love color the most.”
― John Ruskin, The Stones of Venice

Welcome to the second week of my watercolor #100DayProject. After some experimentation, I’ve settled into a comfortable morning rhythm of painting and journaling. It occurred to me this week how both serve the same purpose—release and freedom. Both activities are about letting go, self-discovery, and seeing where it takes me. Taken in this context, it’s impossible to do it wrong. What a wonderful thought!

Things I’ve learned this week:

  • Stop painting before everything turns brown
  • Wet-on-wet is very enjoyable, but I need to go slower
  • Trying to copy other paintings can be frustrating
  • My emotional state affects the color scheme
  • I have no idea what I’m doing and it’s totally okay

I’m still trying too hard to control the paint. I ripped up and threw away two paintings this week and started over. The need to be perfect is still very present and I’m trying really hard to separate the work from any kind of judgment. I remain, as always, a work in progress. Thank you for following along on my journey and for all the wonderful comments I received last week.

Here are my offerings for Week 2:

#1
lavender ladies
standing straight-backed and quite tall
do you ever fall?

#2
swirling galaxy
locked within my busy mind
yearning to be free

#3
what dark secrets hide
behind your bright red brick wall?
I want to see all

#4
happy little sun
shining brightly down on me
do you see me try?

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52 Photo Challenge: Week 9-Patterns

“Humans are pattern-seeking story-telling animals, and we are quite adept at telling stories about patterns, whether they exist or not.” ―Michael Shermer

This week my assignment for the 52-week photo challenge was to capture something with patterns. I returned to the beautiful High-Hand Nursery in Loomis and had a wonderful time with my daughter looking for ways to explore the prompt. For the first time in weeks, I’m happy with how my images turned out.

I needed this win because I’ve been stuck in my writing. My old friend Imposter Syndrome has taken up residence near my laptop and he’s telling me all kinds of nonsense. The market is too saturated. You aren’t good enough. Dreams are for young people with natural talent. You are working this hard for nothing. He’s gotten into my head again, but I pushed through yesterday and almost completed the short story I’ve been stuck on. It’s not my best work, but I’ve spent far too long on it and I’m going to publish it in the next few days and move forward.

I’ve got a new poetry idea I’m really excited about, a series of poems actually, and I’ll be sharing more about this project later in the week. Thank you to everyone who supports me and my work here. I was very close to quitting last week, but your comments have kept me going. I’ll push through, I’ve got a lot more work to do.

Let me know which shot you think best uses the concept of patterns and which is your favorite. Have a wonderful week!

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  • Photos were taken with an Olympus OM-D and edited with ON1 Photo RAW
  • If you want to join the 52 Photo Challenge, you can find all the information at nicolesy.com

52 Photo Challenge
Week 1: Bokeh
Week 2: Silhouette
Week 3: Black and White
Week 4: Motion Blur
Week 5: Texture
Week 6: Framing
Week 7: Leading Lines
Week 8: Negative Space