in Winter in all Winters it lays dormant inside domed darkness
you walk past it looking nowhere anywhere, but not there never there
yet it goes still growing bedrock feral mushroom bellied lichen ferocious trapping pain web-like crackling like ice smelling like bruised desperation like untouched skin like hot ash scattered by eroded winds
you don’t need to see to feel
you walk faster looking nowhere anywhere, but not there never there
yet it goes still like tides like movement Spring saplings tap-dancing on rooted tiptoes daffodils issuing battle cries thrusting spears upward dandelion puffs cooing dreaming light again there’s a light somewhere he says
your nested winds sigh your meadow grasses rustle your waters ripple gently
When children are small you can sprinkle nutritional yeast on millet and tell them it’s fairy dust. With a word, it becomes so. Such is the power of language. What if we could do the same with our dreams? Here’s a poem and flash fiction rambling on about such things. Let me know what you think.
little shadow
perched on a purple wall staring at my sleeping child
what do you see shadow bird?
do you see. see like me?
my grandfather became cloud grandmother became butterfly.
I sit in her chair. I sing with his voice.
what will be left for her when I,transform?
maybe I become you. maybe I watch from a wall.
flying with one word. staying with another. word.
dream me alive. over and over and over. clove and nutmeg. owl spreading wings.
forest hears, nothing.
another dream
Transform
One night during a dream of chaos and war a woman gives birth to a baby with hair the color of fresh snow. The baby blinks at the woman with eyes as green as ancient ferns and coos like a dove. What if instead of forgetting the baby when she woke the woman decides to name her Mabel and she becomes as real as coffee.
The woman dresses the dream baby in clothes the color of fresh marigolds and wears her close to her chest in a carrier woven of the softest wool. She takes the baby out into the rain and her laugh becomes lightning. The world sparks around them and glows brighter.
The plants in the woman’s house grow with the baby—greener and taller, greener and taller until the woman is forced to cut through them with a large knife, like an explorer in a jungle. She and the baby laugh at the silliness of it as birds make nests in her living room and a family of rabbits discovers the perfect place to live within her closet.
They spend most days outdoors so Mabel can make the grass thicker, the trees taller, and the flowers bolder. The neighbors don’t know what’s making their gardens grow and the woman decides not to tell them. Not everyone believes as strongly as she does and she fears their disbelief will pull the child away.
When Mabel starts walking the woman takes her outside in the middle of the night and upon seeing the full moon the child begins to sing. The tiny lilting notes cause the stars to dance and the moon to move closer and closer to the Earth. The woman knows this won’t go unnoticed and will have terrible consequences, but she hesitates to act because love defies logic and gravity. Love defies most things.
Mabel however makes the choice for her, wiggling out of her grasp and floating toward the moon. The baby with hair as white as snow returns back into the dream where she was born and the woman walks home alone. Her house feels different but she smiles the same because Mabel is as real as coffee and her physical absence changes nothing. She wraps herself in wool and dream walks to visit her child.
open and shut them a game with toddlers to still their hands to make them giggle I play it in my head to still my fears open and shut them ambulance out the window stretcher in the hall two paramedics in blue electrodes on his chest it’s not like last time give a little clap, clap, clap take me back to stillness no ripples spreading out just flat glassy ease a breath and a sigh open and shut them pajama pants, slip-on shoes home before sunrise coffee while he sleeps hugs when he wakes put them in your lap, lap, lap
panic sits inside my shoulder just under the skin wiggling spiderset leggy, crawling 3 a.m. do you know where your children are? i check, don’t trust my eyes other senses won’t wake drive a tractor toward a fence can’t go fast enough to break through are they on the other side am i running to or from something hold my hand, am i really here bubbles become breath, no breath is bubbly spiders lie, right, it’s not real 4 a.m. do you know where your children are? they aren’t little but the world is bigger now eyes too open, close them rest your head upon my shoulder my head doesn’t know where to rest it spins, a top loose upon the table, it trips the horse we tumble, tangled limbs, hoofs, hair spider calls its friends, a party moves down my body pop the champagne, let’s go 5 a.m. do you know where your children are? pull the legs off so they can’t scurry inside i still feel them even when i say they aren’t real exterminators tell me they got every single one but why do i hear them tap dancing clever cat knows, he will find them for me hearts can only take so much, he purrs 6 a.m. do you know where your children are? too late to take the little white pill, stuff to do it makes me sleepy—fight it, fight it, fight it eight-leg shadows find my chest, neck, eyes fine, take it, one loud swallow fingers find keyboard, words trip/flip/skip not good enough, not anything, fine, all fine check kids one more time, one more time one more time step outside, cool air brushes skin softer morning traffic sounds, my ocean in and out, nothing else, we breathe seagulls cry with the mourning doves time to do last night’s dishes another load of laundry i know where my kids are
Author’s note: I suffer from occasional panic attacks. I had one this morning and penned these words in an attempt to capture the feeling.
we watch the water hold tight rope swings, we jump high rise like lilacs, like waves, like space ship rocks, sways, we tumble weeds snare, we stare at sun shine within, soft skin, we whirl pool glows, grows, lacks sense less we see, less we know—a flash back to life, hands catch cold rain bow tied neatly around bold moon light dances, our souls wonder land a kiss upon my lips, our hour glass turns, we say goodnight
Author’s note: Each line in this poem ends with the start of a compound word. You can either read the poem line by line or you can read those words combined—tightrope, highrise, spaceship, etc. Let me know what you think.
i am burning it down she says while we eat meat and rice in the afternoon. flames crackle between us scorching nearby tables and turning sorrys into ash. our daughters watch us shoot lasers from our eyes while holding hands. we laugh at time shedding worn-out shadows until we sing our siren call center stage. fire leaps from our naked tired bodies to transform old beliefs until they break free or bloom or evolve; anything but stand still. wiggle it loose until it snaps. forget how it looks. our mothers didn’t know but we do. we dare each other to burn brighter and brighter. we promise to not look away. hearts can be soft and still rage. let’s get together again soon, i say.
dirt between toes grows nothing summer heat takes it cooks me in caramel sauce loss forget peach pits sticky skin peeling beer bottles stuck in sand give me wind thinned veiny see-through leaves silk scarf blowing coffee bear hugs bury the acorn reborn stones stacked higher letters scratch pinecone hearts sing sit with me dear here where the air blows again and again and again forever