Leaves

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Photography: Apple Picking

It’s my favorite time of year—apple picking, pumpkin patches, fun tights, caramel apples, popcorn, beeswax candles and costumes. It’s the time of year I’m happy to linger beneath a tree or chase the setting sun. It’s also a time of change, letting go, and setting new goals.

I won a pitch session with an agent last week, and it didn’t go as planned. In fact, I learned it’s impossible to sell middle-grade novels at the moment and on the fly I pitched my YA novel from years ago. She loved the idea and agreed to read it when it’s ready. I’m proud of how I shifted gears in the moment, with only a brief stumbling of my words, but that story isn’t where my heart is right now. Should I pivot anyway? Is selling my books the goal? What if it takes me another ten years to write anything?

Obviously, this sent me into a creative existential crisis for a few days, but with the help of my incredibly creative friends, I found my way back to the truth. I want to write cool shit that makes me happy. My middle-grade novel is for my daughter. If nobody else reads it, then it’s okay. It’s her story, for her. Maybe when it’s ready the industry might be interested, and maybe not. If I start trying to write what I think will sell, then I’m going to be forever chasing a shadow that’s moving quickly across the ground. No thanks.

So, while I’m forever reinventing myself and changing, I do know wonderful things are happening all around me. I hosted a Halloween party at my home for the first time in years and it was a blast! My talented friend, who I’ve known since her birth, will be releasing her book on Halloween (CHECK IT OUT). I’m making strides toward my new health goals. I just listened to a story that reminded me how much I love twisted fairytales and writing weird things. I’ve got a bowl full of fresh apples on my counter and I cleaned out my garage.

So come with me to the apple orchard. Let’s see how the light hits the apples and hear the crunching of the leaves beneath our feet.

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  • Photos were taken with an Olympus OM-D and edited with ON1 Photo RAW

Here’s some bnus shots from my iPhone:

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Photography: Little Whale Cove

I took these photos at a private cove near my dad’s house in Oregon last month. While I walked around with my camera, my daughter sat in the sand sifting it for agate. It wasn’t the trip I wanted. My dad was sick, ultimately needing to be transported by ambulance to the hospital. My daughter was about to turn 18, and things between us felt different. Everything felt…off.

As I edited these photos today, I felt all of it again. My dad is okay now, but he uses a walker, and the time for us to have the relationship I’ve always wanted is slipping away. My daughter and I are good. We’ve grown in new ways, but I worry about her all the time. I don’t know how to change things. I don’t know how to be right now.

Hard conversations are sitting inside me, and last night I dreamed they suffocated me, and I woke gasping for air. I couldn’t get back to sleep, anxiety eating at me with sharp teeth.

So, I’m going to take a minute and return to the peacefulness of this beautiful place. Will you join me? Let’s look at how light moves through things, reflecting and illuminating. Tell me, do any of these photos speak to you?

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  • These photos were taken with an Olympus OM-D and edited with ON1 Photo RAW.
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52 Photo Challenge: Week 11-Green

“The dawn was apple-green,
The sky was green wine held up in the sun,
The moon was a golden petal between.

She opened her eyes, and green
They shone, clear like flowers undone
For the first time, now for the first time seen.”-D. H. Lawrence

This week my assignment for the 52 photo challenge was to capture something green. My mother, daughter, and I caught a break between storms and took pictures along the American River and in downtown Folsom. It was a lovely day with plenty of green things to catch my eye. We all needed this time together.

Things with my daughter are hard. Last night we went to see the brilliant film “Everything Everywhere All at Once” for a second time and it struck me how much the battle I’m fighting with my daughter’s mental illness is like that horrible black bagel. Her brain tells her so many lies I often feel like I’m at war with her mental illness. Maybe I need to find a way to download some kick-ass martial arts skills or, better yet, find a way to wield my kindness like a weapon.

I sobbed last night in the kitchen for a solid five minutes and then pulled myself back together. What we are doing isn’t working well enough. I’m calling her mental health team again today and asking for more help. I’m exhausted, but I’m hopeful. To quote the film, “When I choose to see the good side of things, I’m not being naive. It is strategic and necessary. It’s how I learned to survive through everything.” I also love this quote, “The only thing I do know is that we have to be kind. Please, be kind. Especially when we don’t know what’s going on.”

Thank you to everyone who reads my blog and spreads kindness. Your comments mean the world to me. Let me know what photo you like best this week. I’m quite partial to the little mushrooms (#2) and the weird cactus-looking weed (#5). I got muddy for both shots but totally worth it. Have a wonderful week!

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  • Photos were taken with an Olympus OM-D and edited with ON1 Photo RAW
  • If you want to join the 52 Photo Challenge, you can find all the information at nicolesy.com

52 Photo Challenge
Week 1: Bokeh
Week 2: Silhouette
Week 3: Black and White
Week 4: Motion Blur
Week 5: Texture
Week 6: Framing
Week 7: Leading Lines
Week 8: Negative Space
Week 9: Patterns
Week 10: Symmetry

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Photography: Autumn Walk

“He found himself wondering at times, especially in the autumn, about the wild lands, and strange visions of mountains that he had never seen came into his dreams.” ~ J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Tomorrow I embark on my third adventure into the lands of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). For those who don’t know, it’s an annual writing event in which participants write a 50,000-word manuscript during the month of November. It’s a huge undertaking. I’m a bit more nervous this year because of all the things going on in my life but also excited to rise to the challenge.

I spent four hours today outlining my project. The working title is “Bubbles in the Dark” and all of the characters are pulled from short stories I’ve written this year. It’s the tale of a mysterious shadow monster attacking a small coastal town slowly devouring the memories of those it touches. A young circus performer stumbles upon a possible answer but doesn’t know how to use it to help others. It’s a story of people bonding together during a time of crisis. A story of kindness found in chaos.

After my planning session, I took a nice hike near my house. It felt good to move my body and capture some of the beauty of autumn. I’ve included my favorite shots below. I hope they bring a smile to your face. Happy Halloween!

  • Photos were taken with an Olympus OM-D and edited with ON1 Photo RAW

What to see more?

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Photography: Morning Hike

This morning after dropping the kids off at school, I took a nature hike by my house. It was a beautiful, peaceful morning and I was greeted by lots of little critters. I saw geese, butterflies, lizards, birds, and dragonflies. Although most were either too far away to capture or moved too quickly, it was a nice morning and a great way to start off my week.

I’ve experimented more than usual with photo editing. Let me know what you think and thank you for stopping by and supporting me on my creative adventures.

Have a great week!

This last photo was a surprise. It wasn’t until it was downloaded that I discovered I’d captured a frog. I love its little wet hopping prints. I wish it was a bit more in focus, but I wanted to share it anyway because it was a happy surprise.

  • Photos were taken with an Olympus OM-D and edited with ON1 Photo RAW

What to see more?